>Note-to-Self…


>I remember growing up and always just wanting more then what it seemed I was destined to be (thank God I choose a different path!!!).I always did dream big and while I never had people believing in me, I just knew that I had SOMETHING in me that was driving me. I guess being raised by pop culture, music videos, movies, songs and so on instead of parents had something to do with that. I remember always wanting to play on the sports teams, being in the band, being a part of the dance groups, and being in choir. I never had the chance to make this flourish as you needed people believing in you or money, neither of which I had. I joined every choir that I could and tried out for the plays. I remember in our music classes I would always make sure to be totally out there and get all the attention ( like my dad said, if you can’t be good, be loud lol) and I was 😉 There was this one tryout for the Oliver Twist play that I wanted to be a part of so badly. I thought for the part I was trying out for it would be a good idea to pretend to have a British accent since I knew they did in the movie I saw….nope it didn’t work LOL but I did get to be a Fagan boy which I loved.Me and a couple of friends of mine used to have little dance/jam sessions at recess and outside of school since none of us could afford the real thing, and we used to just make our own dance routines and would do them in front of our classes, we thought we were so cool! LOL I used to do that a lot actually. Music, dance and movement has always been a part of me…a HUGE part of me. I always dreamed of being a backup dancer or a Flygirl from In Living Color, and my sister and I would record all the episodes and all the Paula Abdul, Janet Jackson, Marky Mark, NKOTB,House Party dance sequence…EPIC! C&C Music Factory, Bobby Brown and on and on…videos and learn the dances then perform them for people in our co-op. We were actually pretty good! I used to pretend I was Erica Ehm too…oh yeah old school Much Music veejay!!As I got a bit older, I taught myself some basic guitar and keyboard and we would have really lame jam sessions but we enjoyed it. I have always written poems and songs too and my friends and I used to record some of our silly ones and I think we even performed them in front of our class once or twice. I remember writing some things when I was younger too that actually got me in “trouble” because my teacher didn’t believe I could have wrote it…sorry Miss Armstrong but I did 😉 I earned my spot in an enrichment program too because of my creativity and that was awesome. I felt so special and accepted for once. I was always an outcast and most of my friends were too but as I grew up (and am still working towards) I am embracing what they used to all think was me being weird. I have met some of the smartest most incredible and creative people who have huge hearts that are considered “weird”. I remember watching all kinds of action movies too and always wanting to learn those moves and to be that woman that took a stand against the bad people and taught them a lesson as I never felt strong enough when I was younger. My best friend and I used to actually dress up and go around being vigilantes and “fighting” bad guys and bullies lol oh the stories I can tell ha ha ha. I love standing up for and seeing the underdog win.I still see the karate kid and juliette lewis in natural born killers and get the chills :)Even though others didn’t care that I wasn’t smiling, I hated to see others upset and would always think of some silly thing to do and put myself out there to make them laugh or smile. I don’t know why I am writing this and it doesn’t make sense or flow but I feel like I am at a crossroads and have been having my moments of feeling like I should give up on my dreams. I got this far one my own and past the ridicule and disbelief that it is my passion and that I don’t quit and 29 years later my passion is only that much stonger…I guess this I suppose is my “NOTE-TO-SELF” to keep chasing it…

P.S. I still want to help change the world however I possibly can 😀

 

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