>Maybe the reason I am afraid of success and why I sabotage myself is because as harsh as it may sound, I am not here to serve for myself(ok not quite how I was going to put it). All I want to do in life is help others to realize their potential, their beauty, their unbelievable capabilities no matter what has happened, where they come from or through any adversity they may have been born with or have survived through. Maybe that is why I don’t want “success” because what society deems as success is how hot you are, how much money you have, who you know, the cool stuff you own…but that means shit. It really does. Sure I like nice things (you would never know it by how I look day to day lol) but it is not what makes you feel good or makes you truly happy and feel worthwhile. Maybe that is part of the reason I stepped out of the training etc. aspect of the fitness industry for a while. I worked for and in too many environments where people were given such a power that they didn’t deserve to have like changing a persons life and most knew they shouldn’t be doing it but did it anyways because it was all about money. It’s okay to not have all the answers and to need help but swallow your pride and ask for it or leave the industry (why is there so much ego I just don’t know but I do find that those are the ones who are only in it for the money but guess what…actually giving a fuck about people and really and truly having the desire to help will bring you unbelievable riches not just in a monetary way). There are too many gyms out there who lose sight of that it is about the people not just making sales…the money comes with some caring and creativity and an open mind, I have experienced this time and again. NOTHING is better than when someone comes to you so hopeless and down and you watch them transform and realize their true potential be it by helping them with their health or even something as simple as feeding that homeless man on the corner. The feeling you get is such an incredible thing and everyone deserves to feel it and think of how much better the world would be…. Even simple things like volunteering your time or services to those less fortunate than you and knowing that maybe that one small thing might save a persons life or maybe make the day of some young child. Stepping outside of yourself or even simple things like even when you really don’t want to leave the house cause you are all cozy in your bed but you get a call or a text from someone who really needs your ear or your company…suck it up and do it because I guarantee you will feel so much better that you did than if you didn’t and even more so, think about how that person may feel knowing that you are there.I try to do something everyday even when I can’t afford to and wish I could do more, I need to do more. I want to truly do more and lately, I have been sabotaging my path to success because I don’t feel like I am doing anything to help change the world, make someone smile or make a difference I feel like it is a selfish thing. I want success, of course I do but I am afraid to lose that part of me and there aren’t really a ton of people who grasp certain things I am going through, It’s ok and it will all be okay and I will succeed on my path, hell I have fallen too many times and have fought through enough things to let my current behaviours take me down now. I just hope that the belief in me from those involved right now understand things and realize that it is only a temporary thing and that with the right support and understanding by my side, the ultimate plan for world domination will occur wooohahahahaha lol jk…sort of 😉

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